I'm committed to growing a weard. A weard is like a beard but asymmetrical. I've never seen a man with an asymmetrical beard before, except perhaps acquired through shaving errors, and I thought it might be interesting to try it. Maybe it'll really catch on.

There's a strong evolutionary impetus toward bilateral symmetry. Studies show that we rate individuals as more attractive when their faces are highly symmetrical. Many powerful figures of American public life have unusually symmetrical faces, suggesting that symmetry may a role in charisma as well as physical beauty.

Susan and I tried an experiment in which we located precise corresponding features on both sides of my face and then marked the midpoint between them to determine my bilateral symmetry. We tried to pinpoint both skeletal features (the foramen on my jaw, the orbits of my eyes) and cosmetic ones (outer edges of my nostrils, corners of my eyes). If the midpoints between these feature-pairs line up in a straight vertical line, that indicates a high level of symmetry. To my surprise, they did. I had assumed, based on my own estimation of my attractiveness, that they would create a crooked path down my midline.

After some time in front of the mirror, I came up with a new theory: although my features may be symmetrical, my expressions are quite asymmetrical. I tend to narrow one eye and not the other, for example, or smile with one side of my face more than the other. It probably just illustrates my complex and conflicted internal nature.

Well, then I thought, why not an asymmetrical beard? I work in a home office; it's not like anyone I know sees me anymore. I'm more like an incredibly productive and high-tech ghost. The only people who could be counted on to find it odd would be my colleagues at the rescue squad. And patients.

Right now it's now yet a weard, because I'm still acquiring sufficient hairmass to make it beardlike. It has to be sufficiently grown-out to evoke a beard, but somehow not be one. Then I have to take it out and walk around the city with my weard, just long enough to attract the attention of those sad-hearted dudes who just can't be counterculture enough with their tats and piercings any more. Whoa -- they'll think -- that asymmetrical beard is really fresh and new!