Unlike some men I have known, I do not find surgically-removed labia and a sutured vaginal opening to be the epitome of female eroticism. This practice is referred to as "Female Genital Mutilation" by much of the Western world, giving a pretty clear view of the Western world's stance on its role in a gal's beauty regimen. But there are entire large groups of people on earth (like some of the ones I lived around in Senegal) who earnestly believe that it is the one true path toward feminine desirability. I've heard that there are other primitive cultures where women have their breasts sliced open and gobs of soft material stuffed up into the space between their subcutaneous fat and the muscular wall of their ribcage. This makes them feel more attractive, like I imagine the women do who've had all their dirty external genitalia removed. And since they're so much more attractive to the males of their society, everybody must come out a winner.

Susan says I've started grinding my teeth at night, and doing it with such force that the noise actually wakes her up. Last night I awoke to find her struggling barehanded with my face, the way you might grapple with a dog that is chewing up an expensive shoe. Still half-asleep, she was trying fruitlessly to pull apart my clenched teeth and stop the monotonous sound of my slumbery dental self-destruction. It was like a groggy horizontal Abbot & Costello routine.

I eat my dreams with honey -- I've done it all my life.
It makes my dreams taste funny -- but it keeps them on my knife!