Steve the Lieutenant is more apeshit about streaming web media than anyone I know. He's like a 12 year-old Pokemon fan when he talks about it. If you get him started, he's soon rhapsodizing about Sorenson compression and various other topics that I only weakly pretend to understand. It's impossible to suppress his enthusiasm for this new world in which anyone can broadcast high-quality video and audio from any computer with a reasonably fast Internet connection. I think Steve would stream video and audio on the web all day and night, if you let him.

In reality, Steve works with databases, when he's not out running around in the middle of the night being a Paramedic. So in my unending quest to promote the terrifying pleasures of starting your own business, I gave him some names of people I know who work in streaming media. One of them was Eric, one of Susan's exes, who founded and runs a successful video-production company. Susan and I went over to Eric's warehouse space recently to quiz him on his bookkeeping systems, and he quickly demonstrated that he knew more about running a real business than both of us combined. While he was trying to show us a sophisticated fiscal management tool, Susan and I were google-eyed at the fact that he could print out checks out on the printer. We're not particularly sophisticated businesspeople if you measure acumen in management structures. It is extremely unlikely that our company will grow to hire more people, which is exactly the way we designed it. We are a rock. We are an island.

On our next night shift, I told Steve that one of the names I'd given him belonged to one of Susan's exes, but refused to divulge which one it was. I thought it would be amusing to see if he could determine which of the three individuals would date someone who would date me. It would make a nice parlor game: guess the ex.

Invite all your exes to a party along with a healthy mix of folks who don't know each other. Get them lubed up with whatever physiology-altering substances are appropriate to your social mores. They are free to chat about any topic except past relationships. At the end of the evening, prizes are awarded to the individuals who successfully guess which of the assembled partiers were once in love with you.

Bonus points for exes who manage to guess who replaced them in second and third-generation successive romances. Assuming they haven't kept in touch with you, which has proven to be a reliable assumption where I'm concerned.

By the way, if you're feeling dissatisfied with your pointless life, and I know you are, check out my Go Goth!™ page.